Little Miss Apple Pie

It's been over a year since you have departed, and I must say that it was not easy for me to be dealing with the agonizing situation you left me in. You left just when I was starting to include you in my world, just when we were planning to append each other in one's future.

It's been a hard year for me, I could not seem to fully let you go. Every now and then I would think of you and be hurt of the fact that I could no longer see you. Although, I know that you are there, watching over me from wherever you are right now, still, it's not the same. It will never be the same.

Sometimes, the pain just becomes too corpulent, that I find it hard to bear it. I would cry myself to sleep every time that happens, and in the morning, when I wake up, I would pray to see you in my dreams the following nights, even just for once. I would just like to hug you and tell how much I love and miss you, and how much I still needed you. But that never happened.

I spend so much time busying myself with things that I love to do, but sometimes, I just get tired and bored of them. I want to do something for you, and not for other people. I want to mostly write about you, and for you, but I know you will never get to read them and appreciate them, because you're gone and will never be back. Perhaps, even when the apocalypse comes, you will not be there to hold my hand.

I am not angry, I am just upset.

Upset of the fact that you left me too soon... I know you lived a good life, you helped a lot of people and you played a big part in others' lives, but you played and been a part of my life for only a short while. I envy those children you often kissed and hugged, I never had many of those in my life, perhaps that explains my crankiness -- my lack of affection from people that I love.

I'm not sure if I am even making sense here, but I just want to let it out, even if it's not everything. This is the only way I know.

My step-dad bought me this book last Saturday (April 9) before I went to watch Mac's basketball game.

I was reading 20 Times a Lady by Karyn Bosnak then, so I finished reading that book first. I started reading this new book this morning as I eat breakfast and as I went to work. I was also reading it a while back, until I decided to Google Alexander the Great. I kind of need to brush up on my historical knowledge a bit, I sort of forgotten a lot about him from my history class. Shame on me, Miss-I-Badly-Want-To-Change-My-Major-To-HISTORY! :))

Well the story pretty much tells about Alexander and his life under his father King Phillip II and how he became the great warrior that he is. In the novel, he kept on dreaming about a woman wearing a red tunic, which he thinks is the woman that would bear his heir. The novel is pretty disturbing, with men making love and sucking--you know what--got to keep things a little censored here, my younger sisters might be reading this. :))

I couldn't put this book down, despite the disturbing parts, but I kind of get the hang of it now. haha.

I wonder where you are right now

As I sit here all alone

Thinking of the good things that we shared and did

All the plans that we have made and built

How I hoped that they never ended.

But God has a better plan for me

And so I must let you go

No grudges held, no regrets

I have finally forgiven you.

— Mia Venus, Sept. 6, 2010

For years, people within an institution have been doing the same routine. People whose term has ended were replaced by those who have worked for years; some people retain a position while others gain a new one. It has been the case for so long that it has become a tradition.

Traditions are meant to be good, that is why it has been called so and has been followed by succeeding generations and apparently, it has been giving great hope to those who follow it.

Hope in the sense that it gives people a chance to gain a position in an institution, may it be a major one or simply within an organization. But traditions are sometimes butchered by great innovations. Notice that the term butchered was used to describe how innovation enters the scenario. Why butchered? Why not?

Was not that what people always say whenever someone proposes something new? Is it not that when people finally implement an innovation, it starts a commotion? Majority will surely agree that traditions will be butchered if innovations are done. But it does not always have to be the case. For people must first learn how to weigh decisions to be able for them to come up with a wise and right one. People, especially those who are in the position, do not just jump into conclusions; they always have to undergo a long, mind-bothering and unanticipated process before they come up with something sensible and prudent. This is how innovations are being considered.

People would react negatively when someone implements something new, especially if it would bypass their rights or would diminish their power, if they have one. Those who have the capacity would protest and pull down whoever is the implementer of an innovation just because they could not adapt to certain changes. Talk about Crab Mentality; is it not such a hideous act?

Some would even talk about prudence, even though it is clear enough for everyone to see that the person is not even a bit prudent himself. Some prudent people, as what they call themselves to be, are sometimes very good in saying wise words and backstabbing hardworking people and telling lies about them such as they are not working hard enough or they are not doing their job. But often times these prudent people are the ones who do not do anything at all.

It is in fact a saddening truth that where critical thinkers and intelligent people are so dominant, there are still a great number of people who ensnare themselves inside the box of ignorance.

Remember this, no matter how intelligent a person is, if it cannot adapt to even minor changes, it would remain feeble- minded. There is nothing wrong about being traditional, but people would have to think and live outside the box for their own good. There will always be a room for improvement; we just have to push some things aside to make way for it.

Prudence - or self-control; careful about one’s conduct; circumspect.

Basically it means to avoid offending one’s fellowmen and not to boast of one’s exploits or intellectual prowess.

It is actually okay to talk about prudence and all those related things. But comparing yourself to another person is another thing, and to some people, it must not be done. Especially if you are comparing yourself to someone ten times more hardworking than you are. Ika nga nila in Filipino, “Okay lang mag yabang kung may ipagyayabang naman.” Why talk about other person’s prudence if you yourself do not have it? Or perhaps, sometimes you lose it? There really is no point in ranting about other people’s business and pulling them down through it. Does “CRAB MENTALITY” ring a bell?

Anyway, what I am only trying to say is that, we all do not have the right to judge other people and blatantly give a lecture in prudence if we, ourselves, lack it. It only proves how shallow, immature, judgmental and disrespectful you truly are.

Do a self-assessment first before jumping into conclusions. Life is full of motherfuckers, DO NOT add up to their growing population.

Spare what is left of my innocence
Spare my young mind of the things I could not grasp very well
Spare what is left of my innocence from things that I am not yet ready to do
I do not want to end up living the life like the majorities do

I am not a person whom you could manipulate that easily
I may be young but I know what is best for me
Respect my decisions please; I do not want to lose the only thing that
I have in this life and that is my dignity

Spare what is left of my innocence
I am not ready to leave what is left of my youth
There are things that I still cannot fathom
I have yet to figure them out
Do not rush me, give me time to grow and think
For I know I am not that matured enough to decide
On things in just a blink

If you truly love me
Spare what is left of my young mind
Do not be too intense
Spare what is left of my innocence

Ginoong Cartero, isang magandang araw sa inyo
Maari niyo po bang ipahatid
Ang isang mensahe para kay San Pedro
Alam kong malayo ang iyong lalakbayin
Kaya’t heto, iyong pakinggan ang lahat ng aking hiling
Sa kanya po sana ay inyong masabi
Na sa isang tao ako ay sabik
Hinihiling ko na kahit isang ulit
Ay madama ko muli sa aking noo ang kaniyang halik
Maramdaman muli init ng kaniyang yakap
At tinig na kay sarap pakinggan

Ginoong Cartero, isang magandang araw sa inyo
Maari niyo po bang ipahatid
Ang isang mensahe para kay San Pedro
Alam kong malayo ang iyong lalakbayin
Kaya’t heto, iyong pakinggan ang lahat ng aking hiling
Sa paglalakbay po sana ni niya ay Kaniyang gabayan
Sa palasyo Niya ay tanggapin si siya at hayaan siyang
Tumugtog at magareglo ng magagandang musika
Nang sa mga cherubim ay kaniyang maibahagi
Kaaya ayang tugtugin na sa lupa ay kaniyang nagawa
At awitin sana nila ito ng buong puso at galak

Ginoong Cartero, isang magandang araw sa inyo
Maari niyo po bang ipahatid
Ang isang mensahe para kay San Pedro
Alam kong malayo ang iyong lalakbayin
Kaya’t heto, iyong pakinggan ang lahat ng aking hiling
Sa aking ama sana ay inyong masabi na siya ay
Aking mahal
At ako’y nangungulila sa araw-araw
Na siya ay aking naalala

Ginoong Cartero, ipahatid ninyo ang mensaheng ito.