Little Miss Apple Pie

It's January and where are we? We seemed to have gone back to where we started. Video calls and text messages... Though the only difference is, this time there's no us. No kissing emoticons, no sweet texts and no 'I love you's'.

My decision to have my tattoo this evening was made out of the blue. Though I've planned to do it for nearly two years, I guess I never really had the courage to do it until now. I was talking to Mike on iMessage when mom asked me to do it today. I guess part of the reason why I did it today amongst all other days was because of Mike.

In the last few weeks, we have been in contact. I've no idea why but he seems to have more free time lately, that he even took the time to call me via-Facetime for two weekends. Last night, he even let me watch him play live for the first time...

I must admit, that after all this time I still get butterflies like I did every time we talk before. Among all the men I've dated, it's with Mike that I never lost that feeling with. He's just different in a way I myself could not explain. Perhaps, I just love him still regardless of our breakup...

Hence the tattoo...

Though, I've long decided on the design, it's today that fate chose for me to do it. I took it as a sign that I've grown stronger as a person to finally face my fears and still keep my hopes up for a positive future regardless of the guarantee.

To teach myself to be carefree and unexpecting is not such an easy task for I've been a dreamer all my life. I've had my head on the clouds for so long that facing reality and breaking free from my thoughts took longer than it should have. But I am happy.

I am happy that I can find happiness in the most little thing. That I appreciate life and living it better than before. I've finally unleashed my inner wanderlust and started traveling and charging into the unknown. I love it.

I guess, the whole experience of losing Mike has taught me more about life than that I've learned in the past two decades. I thank him for that... for giving me the chance to discover myself and what I truly want to do and most importantly to love truly and unconditionally.

Shall the good Lord give us another chance in the near future, I know I'll be ready. I'll be better. For not only have I got my feet on the ground but I've also learned to love myself.

I know people would say that I'm expecting for nothing but I have a strong feeling about things lately and I know better than to trust what they say. I'm in the point of my life wherein I trust myself more than others. I'm proud of myself for that.

Freedom. Hope. Love.

I still believe in life regardless of all the disappointments, the pain, grief and despair. There's more to life than the pain it brings and it has brought. I've learned to embrace it and I've never been happier.

As each track passes me by
So did all the memories we chose to leave behind
One song plays after another
Telling stories of our distant past
I drifted off to the very first night
You held me tight in your arms
Each memory progressed right before my eyes
Somehow, as a familiar track played
I wondered why you couldn't have just stayed
Now as the playlist comes to an end
I've come to the realization
That what just happened was but a story
About how we loved, how I lost you
And how much I wanted to erase
All traces of you.

If I could only

Every night I religiously asked for you to be kept from all harm.

And if by chance you have found someone new, I also prayed that deep inside, a part of you will think of me, too.

Days that we shared, the love I gave may you always remember that I loved only you.

And if that new found love begins to falter, breaks your heart all over again,

come back to me.

Come back anytime you want and I'll surely take you back with loving arms.