Too tiny and fragile but it sure gives me an even bigger appetite.
LOL #MyLittleBean #ActualSize
For the one who makes me anticipate to see the morning light once again
For making the sky brighter than it seems and
For making the flowers bloom though it's not spring
For making the world seem like a better place
Even if in truth it's full of danger and plagues
Ah, alas!
Now I know...
The sun has never shone this bright until you came along
My sweet sunshine.
This is a homework I made when I was a junior in high school... It's sort of a letter to someone that I were to marry in the future. Looking back to it now, I realized that the things I wanted to do the most with the person I were to marry remained the same even after nearly a decade and this time, I know that I have found the right person to share this letter of dreams with and to do all these with him. In fact, we have already started... Enjoy reading!
Someday I will wake up next to you on a Saturday morning, and snuggle in bed till we get hungry. You'll cook breakfast and brew me coffee and I will be wearing that big white shirt of yours and your boxers as we guzzle cup after cup while we watch random movies all day. We would laugh at comedies, cry at dramas and scream at the top of our lungs at thriller films.
In the afternoon we will stroll in the park as we sip our favorite Frappes and talk about random things in our life as we sit on our favorite bench. We would talk about our past and our future, most importantly. After that we would either shop for the night's dinner or go to a friend's place to hang out. Then we'd go home laughing at the silly things we said and did the whole day, then we'd kiss as you turn the key that locks our apartment door and whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
We'd get in the tub as soon as we get in our apartment and I will light a jasmine scented candle while you turn off the lights and get us a bottle of champagne. We will talk and laugh until we decided to finally have dinner and you will hug me from behind as I cook. You will set up the table as you get my award-winning Blueberry cheesecake from the fridge that I made especially for tonight.
After dinner, we would clear things up in the kitchen together since we gave up arguing about "who would wash the dishes tonight" ages ago. Then we would get into our jammys and cuddle in the couch as we watch a wrestling match on TV, a basketball game or random shows on Lifestyle Network. I would surely get a little droopy, so you would turn the Telly off and carry me to bed. I would lay in your bare chest as you wrap a strong arm around me and I would feel perfectly safe; it would be the best feeling in the world. Then we would either continue to doze off or make intense love with the moonlight as our only witness...
In the morning when we wake up, we would smile at each other and thank God for giving us another day to spend together. We would get up from bed, earlier than we usually do to go to church and we would have fun teaching and making children happy at Sunday school. We would make them cookies and chocolate drink for snacks and hug and kiss each one of them when Sunday school is done.
One day I will hand you a small box and it would contain the great news, that we will finally have our first child and I will see that great gleam in your eyes in surprise.
You would take care of me every step of the way and make me feel good about myself despite of the changes that will happen to me. We would record her every firsts, her first heart beat, her first ultrasound photo, her first day, her first smile, first word, first step, first nail clippings, first hair cut and first birthday. And watch and look at them every end of the year. We would surely shed tears of joy as we watch her dance around the living room, one Christmas Eve.
We would raise her to be a good child, not only of us, but also of God. We would learn from our parent’s mistake and try our best to be better parents ourselves. We would love her, give her time and attention and teach her great things. She would attend bible school too, and would be studying piano, voice and ballet. She will be the fulfillment of my dreams and hopes, and you would love her like I always wanted to be loved by my father as a little girl.
I am not expecting a perfect life; all I wanted to have is to live a happy life with you, blessed by God. :) I will love you every waking moment of my life... as long as I shall live. :)
In the afternoon we will stroll in the park as we sip our favorite Frappes and talk about random things in our life as we sit on our favorite bench. We would talk about our past and our future, most importantly. After that we would either shop for the night's dinner or go to a friend's place to hang out. Then we'd go home laughing at the silly things we said and did the whole day, then we'd kiss as you turn the key that locks our apartment door and whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
We'd get in the tub as soon as we get in our apartment and I will light a jasmine scented candle while you turn off the lights and get us a bottle of champagne. We will talk and laugh until we decided to finally have dinner and you will hug me from behind as I cook. You will set up the table as you get my award-winning Blueberry cheesecake from the fridge that I made especially for tonight.
After dinner, we would clear things up in the kitchen together since we gave up arguing about "who would wash the dishes tonight" ages ago. Then we would get into our jammys and cuddle in the couch as we watch a wrestling match on TV, a basketball game or random shows on Lifestyle Network. I would surely get a little droopy, so you would turn the Telly off and carry me to bed. I would lay in your bare chest as you wrap a strong arm around me and I would feel perfectly safe; it would be the best feeling in the world. Then we would either continue to doze off or make intense love with the moonlight as our only witness...
In the morning when we wake up, we would smile at each other and thank God for giving us another day to spend together. We would get up from bed, earlier than we usually do to go to church and we would have fun teaching and making children happy at Sunday school. We would make them cookies and chocolate drink for snacks and hug and kiss each one of them when Sunday school is done.
One day I will hand you a small box and it would contain the great news, that we will finally have our first child and I will see that great gleam in your eyes in surprise.
You would take care of me every step of the way and make me feel good about myself despite of the changes that will happen to me. We would record her every firsts, her first heart beat, her first ultrasound photo, her first day, her first smile, first word, first step, first nail clippings, first hair cut and first birthday. And watch and look at them every end of the year. We would surely shed tears of joy as we watch her dance around the living room, one Christmas Eve.
We would raise her to be a good child, not only of us, but also of God. We would learn from our parent’s mistake and try our best to be better parents ourselves. We would love her, give her time and attention and teach her great things. She would attend bible school too, and would be studying piano, voice and ballet. She will be the fulfillment of my dreams and hopes, and you would love her like I always wanted to be loved by my father as a little girl.
I am not expecting a perfect life; all I wanted to have is to live a happy life with you, blessed by God. :) I will love you every waking moment of my life... as long as I shall live. :)
With all these shards of glass scattered across the floor
The empty bottle of brandy in your hand and a lighted cigar on the other
Tell me how long shall I stand still in this little corner
Trying to avoid the mess that surrounds you
The mess that shattered you like the broken china at your feet
I would love to cross this space between us
Take every sharp sting and walk as if I walk on marble
But you said stop
Tell me where I would go back in time
Just to reach you right now
For how long will we stay this way
Broken, shattered and weakened by nostalgia
Will we ever sing together again?
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It took me nearly three years to start and finish writing a short story and now that I have written it, I couldn't figure out the right title for it. Which is a bit frustrating, but hey! Achievement unlocked. Here it is, written a couple of weeks back during one of my sleepless nights brought by the pressure of the board exam.
Nota Bene: Haven't proof read this yet, forgive the laziness. LOL
The both of them sat on the bed silently that only the sound of the rain outside could be heard; he lit a cigarette as she sat next to him, terrified and trembling. He brushed his hair away from his eyes and looked at her calmly; he too was troubled but not as much as she was, perhaps the cigarette helped him calm down but who knows for sure, maybe he’s quite used to be in such situation considering his history with women like her.
“What are we supposed to tell them?” She finally spoke breaking the almost deafeaning silence between them.
He took a deep breath and moved further back in the bed to lean on the headboard. “Nothing. I don’t think we need to tell anybody about this, I mean, we could take care of it ourselves.” He answered.
“I am not so sure about your plan. It’s too risky. I might get into a lot more trouble.” She murmured as he stared blankly at the wall trying to think of another way out.
“Well it’s either that or carry the burden forever.” He blurted out that made her glance at him sharply. She knew it was a mistake, she knew that this would happen, she knows exactly what the outcome would be, yet she still agreed to do it and now here she is, in the same room where they had done it thinking of a way out of the mess they have made.
“But don’t you think it’s better if we give it a chance? I mean, who are we to play God anyway?”
“Listen,” he said as he moved closer to her. “I told you from the very start that I don’t want this kind of responsibility—“
“I am not giving you a responsibility!” She said louder than she had intended to. “I just wanted to let you know… and I just need your help for now. I need a little support. When this is all over you don’t have to worry a thing. I can handle it.”
He reached for her hand and pulled her close for a hug. “But that would ruin your career, perhaps even your entire life if you won’t get rid of it now.” He whispered to her but she shook her head as she pulled away from him.
“Don’t talk about it as if it’s not there. It’s breathing, it can hear you.”
“Let it hear me! Then maybe it would just get rid of itself!” She stood up and walked away from the bed, away from him.
She stood by the window, watching the rain and the empty street.
“We’ve talked about this before.” She said tearfully. He sighed and lit another cigar before he stood up and hugged her from behind.
“It would be alright, you just have to trust me in this one. Okay? Everything is going to be just fine, we’ll just tell your folks that you’re going on a road trip with the gang for a couple of days and they would never know what happened.” He said reassuringly. She turned to face him and she looked him deep in the eyes.
“Will you promise not to leave until it’s all over?” She asked him and he smiled warmly at her.
“Even until it’s over, I’ll stay.” And with that, they hugged but their brief moment of joy was interrupted by a soft movement from under the bed.
They both walked toward it and pulled out a huge black bag. He opened it revealing the head of a middle aged man, struggling to speak through the duct tape that covered his mouth.
“I’m sorry boss, but you deserve this.” She said coldly and dangerously as she pulled out a knife from beneath the blanket. The knife caught the light and without another word, she drove the knife straight into the man’s chest.
He came in to back her up by smashing a lamp on his head and just as she thought that the deed was done, he stood up and pulled something out of the bedside drawer. It was a gun with a silencer and before she knew it the man’s struggling stopped as blood spluttered on the floor.
“Now, it’s gone. Let’s clean up, grab the money and jewels in the safe and leave before it gets dark.” He said and few moments later they were burning the dead man inside the large fireplace in the living room as they cleaned up the blood spluttered bedroom.
The rain has stopped and they left the house with the fireplace still roaring wildly as the cadaver succumbs into the flames.
Nota Bene: Haven't proof read this yet, forgive the laziness. LOL
***
“What are we supposed to tell them?” She finally spoke breaking the almost deafeaning silence between them.
He took a deep breath and moved further back in the bed to lean on the headboard. “Nothing. I don’t think we need to tell anybody about this, I mean, we could take care of it ourselves.” He answered.
“I am not so sure about your plan. It’s too risky. I might get into a lot more trouble.” She murmured as he stared blankly at the wall trying to think of another way out.
“Well it’s either that or carry the burden forever.” He blurted out that made her glance at him sharply. She knew it was a mistake, she knew that this would happen, she knows exactly what the outcome would be, yet she still agreed to do it and now here she is, in the same room where they had done it thinking of a way out of the mess they have made.
“But don’t you think it’s better if we give it a chance? I mean, who are we to play God anyway?”
“Listen,” he said as he moved closer to her. “I told you from the very start that I don’t want this kind of responsibility—“
“I am not giving you a responsibility!” She said louder than she had intended to. “I just wanted to let you know… and I just need your help for now. I need a little support. When this is all over you don’t have to worry a thing. I can handle it.”
He reached for her hand and pulled her close for a hug. “But that would ruin your career, perhaps even your entire life if you won’t get rid of it now.” He whispered to her but she shook her head as she pulled away from him.
“Don’t talk about it as if it’s not there. It’s breathing, it can hear you.”
“Let it hear me! Then maybe it would just get rid of itself!” She stood up and walked away from the bed, away from him.
She stood by the window, watching the rain and the empty street.
“We’ve talked about this before.” She said tearfully. He sighed and lit another cigar before he stood up and hugged her from behind.
“It would be alright, you just have to trust me in this one. Okay? Everything is going to be just fine, we’ll just tell your folks that you’re going on a road trip with the gang for a couple of days and they would never know what happened.” He said reassuringly. She turned to face him and she looked him deep in the eyes.
“Will you promise not to leave until it’s all over?” She asked him and he smiled warmly at her.
“Even until it’s over, I’ll stay.” And with that, they hugged but their brief moment of joy was interrupted by a soft movement from under the bed.
They both walked toward it and pulled out a huge black bag. He opened it revealing the head of a middle aged man, struggling to speak through the duct tape that covered his mouth.
“I’m sorry boss, but you deserve this.” She said coldly and dangerously as she pulled out a knife from beneath the blanket. The knife caught the light and without another word, she drove the knife straight into the man’s chest.
He came in to back her up by smashing a lamp on his head and just as she thought that the deed was done, he stood up and pulled something out of the bedside drawer. It was a gun with a silencer and before she knew it the man’s struggling stopped as blood spluttered on the floor.
“Now, it’s gone. Let’s clean up, grab the money and jewels in the safe and leave before it gets dark.” He said and few moments later they were burning the dead man inside the large fireplace in the living room as they cleaned up the blood spluttered bedroom.
The rain has stopped and they left the house with the fireplace still roaring wildly as the cadaver succumbs into the flames.
NOTA BENE: This was written in 2011, I think. Or maybe late 2012.
I find writing as amusing as talking.
I personally think that writing is the best way to express myself. Although, I’m not really good with words, still words find their way to catch my attention, inspiring me to write whatever it is that I want. I also think that writing is neither a skill learned nor acquired, I think it’s a gift. A gift which I have to treasure, because honestly, it’s the only tool I have aside from my prayers. Now, I’m not going to rant about religion through writing, but the reason why I write. Because, recently I thought that I lost “contact” with myself by not being able to finish a poem, and a song. I have also realized how poorly I write now than I do before. It is as if I lost interest in writing, and I find it as a really tragic moment in my life, for the reason that I am always equipped with thoughts, no matter how random they are, I could always write them all down. But it seems that I could no longer do that. Perhaps my mind has become too preoccupied with a lot of things that I could no longer find the time to sit down, breathe in and start writing again.
Writing, as I said is a gift, a gift which I have to treasure because its one of my power tools, apart from my prayers. But writing has drifted away from me, and I am not sure if it has left me for good or if it is only because of all the things that have been happening in my life right now that hinders me to stop. Although, I was never good with words, I know that I have the capability to express myself as simple as possible. I love brevity in my writings; I go straight to my point. But despite of that fact, I know that I could at least, at some point, play with words to make songs and poems… but I lost that. I just find it really saddening; I never thought I would get in a point in my life where I would totally lose it.
I wanted to improve, but I guess my “excessive” learning has slowed me from exploring more of what I can do. I tried to force myself to learn how to be a polished writer, but realized that it needs enough experience to be able to be one. I could not gain it in one gulp. Things really do take time to refine. Perhaps I was overexposed at the wrong time; I was given a windfall when it was not supposed to be given to me yet. The sad thing is I was overwhelmed, that I became ambitious, given the opportunity, that I forgot that I still have a long way to go. That I am not YET ready. I already took pride on something I was not yet able to do.
Now here I am, feeling sorry for what I have lost along the way. But I don’t regret being there, in fact, I am thankful I took that path because at least now I know what I am really capable of doing. At least now I know where I stand, and how good it is to be where I am now than to be where I am before, because what I was then caused me so much pain and loss. I lost a couple of friends along with one of my only life investments, which is my will to write and I am trying to gain, if not all, at least just my power tool back. Even if it means that I have to start all over again from scratch, I would gladly do it just to refresh myself of the basics, but now with more improvements, but more humble I would be.
I want to be able to write again. I want to be able to finish songs that do not only revolve in one theme; I want to explore my ability even more, I want to apply what I have learned, I want to improve. I want to be flexible in terms of writing; I want to sharpen my knowledge about certain things so that I will be able to write about them, with more sense. I just want to show my strong personality in my writing, I no longer want to write about things that people tell me to write for them. I am soo tired of people limiting my word count, and changing the topic or voice of my piece just because some people do not want to read about it. Heck, I want to be carefree.
I want to burst like a freshly cut lemon, and smell the spanking new scent of being the same old me with a whole new twist. I just want to write again.
I personally think that writing is the best way to express myself. Although, I’m not really good with words, still words find their way to catch my attention, inspiring me to write whatever it is that I want. I also think that writing is neither a skill learned nor acquired, I think it’s a gift. A gift which I have to treasure, because honestly, it’s the only tool I have aside from my prayers. Now, I’m not going to rant about religion through writing, but the reason why I write. Because, recently I thought that I lost “contact” with myself by not being able to finish a poem, and a song. I have also realized how poorly I write now than I do before. It is as if I lost interest in writing, and I find it as a really tragic moment in my life, for the reason that I am always equipped with thoughts, no matter how random they are, I could always write them all down. But it seems that I could no longer do that. Perhaps my mind has become too preoccupied with a lot of things that I could no longer find the time to sit down, breathe in and start writing again.
Writing, as I said is a gift, a gift which I have to treasure because its one of my power tools, apart from my prayers. But writing has drifted away from me, and I am not sure if it has left me for good or if it is only because of all the things that have been happening in my life right now that hinders me to stop. Although, I was never good with words, I know that I have the capability to express myself as simple as possible. I love brevity in my writings; I go straight to my point. But despite of that fact, I know that I could at least, at some point, play with words to make songs and poems… but I lost that. I just find it really saddening; I never thought I would get in a point in my life where I would totally lose it.
I wanted to improve, but I guess my “excessive” learning has slowed me from exploring more of what I can do. I tried to force myself to learn how to be a polished writer, but realized that it needs enough experience to be able to be one. I could not gain it in one gulp. Things really do take time to refine. Perhaps I was overexposed at the wrong time; I was given a windfall when it was not supposed to be given to me yet. The sad thing is I was overwhelmed, that I became ambitious, given the opportunity, that I forgot that I still have a long way to go. That I am not YET ready. I already took pride on something I was not yet able to do.
Now here I am, feeling sorry for what I have lost along the way. But I don’t regret being there, in fact, I am thankful I took that path because at least now I know what I am really capable of doing. At least now I know where I stand, and how good it is to be where I am now than to be where I am before, because what I was then caused me so much pain and loss. I lost a couple of friends along with one of my only life investments, which is my will to write and I am trying to gain, if not all, at least just my power tool back. Even if it means that I have to start all over again from scratch, I would gladly do it just to refresh myself of the basics, but now with more improvements, but more humble I would be.
I want to be able to write again. I want to be able to finish songs that do not only revolve in one theme; I want to explore my ability even more, I want to apply what I have learned, I want to improve. I want to be flexible in terms of writing; I want to sharpen my knowledge about certain things so that I will be able to write about them, with more sense. I just want to show my strong personality in my writing, I no longer want to write about things that people tell me to write for them. I am soo tired of people limiting my word count, and changing the topic or voice of my piece just because some people do not want to read about it. Heck, I want to be carefree.
I want to burst like a freshly cut lemon, and smell the spanking new scent of being the same old me with a whole new twist. I just want to write again.
I have been dying to get my hands on a copy of this book for years! Finally found one from BetterWorldBooks.com last month and decided to order it. It finally arrived in the mail a couple of days ago.I know what you're probably thinking, I should just have bought an e-book or download one for free, but I've always been a fan and fond of reading the "book" itself, as in in physical form. Anyways, here's what today's book is all about.
Taken from GoodReads.com -- technically from the back of the book itself. :P
Drowning in $20,000 of credit card debt, shopaholic Karyn Bosnak asked strangers for money online -- and it worked!
What would you do if you owed $20,000? Would you: A) not tell your parents? B) start your own website that asked for money without apology? or C) stop coloring your hair, getting pedicures, and buying Gucci? If you were Karyn Bosnak, you'd do all three.
Karyn started a funny yet honest website, www.savekaryn.com, on which she asked for donations to help her get out of debt. Karyn received e-mails from people all over the world, either confessing their own debt-ridden lives, or criticizing hers. But after four months of Internet panhandling and selling her prized possessions on eBay, her debt was gone!
In Save Karyn: One Shopaholic's Journey to Debt and Back, Karyn details the bumpy road her financial -- and personal -- life has traveled to get her where she is today: happy, grateful, and completely debt-free. In this charming cautionary tale, Karyn chronicles her glamorous rise, her embarrassing fall, and how the kindness of strangers in cyberia really can make a difference.
I really love Karyn Bosnak's way of writing, it's always so simple but unique at the same time. This book became my source of motivation during the last couple of days. After I was done with it, I knew that her lessons did not end where the last words in her book were printed, she imparted it with me.
This book about a major part of her life is a wake-up call to everyone who is probably on the verge of giving up on everything. Save Karyn motivates and teaches the value of giving wholeheartedly without expecting something in return. She might have made a terrible mistake before, but who doesn't anyway, right?
I personally think that her purpose of sharing her story in this book is not just to let people know that she had a genius idea that helped her out of the mess she was in but also through her story, she imparted probably the best life advice anyone could share and that is to never tire to give, forgive and fight back with kindness.
Save Karyn made me think hard about some areas of my life and it even made me want to be a better person not only for my own good but for the benefits of other people who helped me in the past and to those who might someday need my help.
Save Karyn, in my opinion, is better than any self-help books that ever exist. Five delish cookies with milk.
